Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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