Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
