You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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