He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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