I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
