Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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