Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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