I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
