There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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