absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My friends, they love my intelligence
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
