saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
How's work?
Spinning.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
