never play flip cup with pint glasses
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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