My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
