From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
even my farts smell like vagina
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
