Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
