Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
