Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
