I need to stop coming to work sober
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
