Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
