hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
