His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
