Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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