..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
