Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
