She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
