i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
