If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
