Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My feet surprised me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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