glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
