oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
