we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
