going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
