In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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