tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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