Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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