she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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