She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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