"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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