chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
