I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
