i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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