I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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