I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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