those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
