you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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