You smell like a Billy Joel song
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
