This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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