Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
a search helicopter?!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
