I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
