she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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