dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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