its not stalking. its research.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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