Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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