she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
