I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
