Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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