also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
