Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
